Vin Vs Chuck

Vin Diesel might be cooler then Chuck Norris. I mean if I guy can have sex with 2 different women while he is in the womb, that is just cooler then being a ninja. We watched “The Pacifier” this weekend with Trenton. It was not too bad of a movie. Better then Kindergarden cop CL says. I enjoyed the movie. And Vin had more dialog then he ever has before in a movie.

Here is a list of how well Vin Competes with Chuck:

1. Onions do not make Vin Diesel cry. Vin Diesel makes onions shit themselves.

2. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Vin Diesel allows to live.

3. Vin Diesel can slam a revolving door.

4. If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: “I End Lives.”

5. Vin Diesel once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

6. When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

7. When Vin Diesel drinks pee, his asparagus smells funny.

8. When Vin Diesel was born, the nurse said, “Holy crap! That’s Vin Diesel!” Then she had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

9. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself.

10. The popular videogame “Doom” is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from Vin Diesel and forgot to pay him back.

11. Vin Diesel played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.

12. Vin Diesel can divide by zero.

13. Vin Diesel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

14. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Vin Diesel, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.

15. When Vin Diesel jumps into a body of water, he doesn’t get wet. The water gets Vin instead.

16. Crop circles are Vin’s way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.

17. Vin Diesel has two speeds: walk and kill.

18. You are what you eat. That is why Vin Diesel’s diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

19. Vin Diesel is the reason Waldo is hiding.

20. Vin Diesel has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of Where’s Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, “This is BULLSHIT!” They’re all wearing shoes.” He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, “IF I CAN’T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN!” The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and Vin ate him for good measure. The incident has since been refered to as Christmas.

21. It takes 14 puppeteers to make Vin Diesel smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.

22. Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

23. Vin Diesel once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his “Filet of Child” sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.

24. The eternal conundrum “what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object” was finally solved when Vin Diesel punched himself in the face.

25. Vin Diesel is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose’s shit.

26. When Vin Diesel does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

27. On his birthday, Vin Diesel randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

28. Vin Diesel invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

29. If you were to lock Vin Diesel in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy’s. When asked why he doesn’t do this Vin replied “Because Grammy’s are for queers.” Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.

30. Vin Diesel does not “drop it like it’s hot.” To suggest that anything would be too hot for him to hold is laughable.

Now can you Guess Which one is my favorite?

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